


Into the Dark

by Dazzledfirestar



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Canonical Character Death, M/M, Resurrection, hints of torture (canon compliant)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-28
Updated: 2014-03-28
Packaged: 2018-01-17 07:10:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1378450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dazzledfirestar/pseuds/Dazzledfirestar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything has been a compromise in one way or another.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Into the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> Written for my [character table](http://dazzledfirestar.dreamwidth.org/147681.html) for avengers_tables on LJ, prompt: shades of grey.

_There will always be compromises, it’s just a matter of knowing when not to back down._

That was the advice he’d been given by the old guard when he took the position of Director of SHIELD. People wanted to see things as right or wrong. Good or bad. People liked ignoring the space between where bad things were done for good reasons and good things could serve to bring evil people to power. That was the area he’d been tasked with. That was what SHIELD did. They made sure those grey areas were monitored. They made sure the good outcome was assured for their side. If that meant that people died, that things went to hell here and there, well… the greater good would be served.

He’d stuck with that idea ever since. What they did, no matter how dark and messy it got, kept things safe and secure for those that couldn’t see—let alone understand—the spaces between right and wrong and good and evil. The job demanded moral ambiguity and as long as they won the day, he could live with it.

He could lie to himself that it was worth it. After all, he could lie to anyone without flinching. He could manage to pull the wool over his own eyes too.

But it never really worked out. Not really. Not as the years went on and the shades of grey he was willing to step into got darker. That was why Hill and Coulson were so damn valuable. Neither of them would let him swing too far one way or the other. Hill’s need to question orders was the perfect check for him. He trusted her judgment. He would take an extra second and think a little more before either asking her for other options or proceeding with her objections on record.

And Phil… it was different with Phil. He got it. He knew why the step might have to be taken into the dark. But Phil had known him longer than they’d been at SHIELD. Phil had the uncanny ability to know when something should be weighing on him and call him on it. Phil was the one that could and would drag him back into the light. Phil was the reason he wanted to be in the light at all, some days. Phil was the reason he had balance, not just at work but in the very few off hours he had. 

Hill was the professional check. Phil kept him human.

The irony was that when he really needed that humanity, Phil wasn’t there. When he really needed someone to say ‘Maybe this isn’t something that should be done, even if it can be done’, there was no one to do it. Even as he sat in the quinjet on the way to the Guest House; even as he tried to think what Phil would say about this, he couldn’t stop himself for heading deeper and deeper into the dark.

The head of the base met him at the doors, all smiles and a hand extended. “Director Fury, would you like the grand tour?”

“No. Let’s just get this over with.” He brushed past the welcoming committee even as the head of this base babbled at him about stuff he knew he’d never fully grasp. “I don’t need details, doctor. I need to know if you can do what you say you can do.”

“Yes, of course we can. I wouldn’t make that claim lightly.”

“Good.” Nick crossed his arms. “Then do it.”

Something in that moment felt significant. Aside from the obvious implications, he felt a shift. He’d taken that last step into the dark. Even if it was just to pull Phil out of it and bring him home, Nick had the sinking feeling that wasn’t something he’d be able to be a part of. He remembered someone a long time ago talking about balance in the universe. Action and reaction. The bigger the act, the worse the reaction or shift in balance could be. He didn’t believe it at the time but something in that moment made him think about what he was willing to give up just to get Phil back.

What would Phil say? The question moved through his mind slowly and he didn’t really have an answer. He felt like he should be this was so beyond anything they’d faced that he couldn’t come up with a solid answer. He knew Phil would tell him it wasn’t worth it. He knew he’d disagree. He knew there was a very real chance that in the process of bringing him back, he’d lose that connection that kept him from going too far forever.

“Director, we’re about to begin. Perhaps you’d be more comfortable in the waiting room?”

“No. I’m staying.” If this had to happen, he wasn’t walking away. If this was the way it was going to go down, he’d stare it in the face. Phil would be back. That was enough. That was worth sacrificing the one thing Phil had always given him. That was worth losing the last of his humanity.

Even if it meant he couldn’t look at himself in the mirror again, it would be worth it. Phil was important. Needed. Whatever that took, he’d do.

That was the thing he wouldn’t compromise on and nothing was going to make him back down.


End file.
